Newly Single: How to Proceed

By Ellie Drabnis on June 6, 2016

There it is: you’re newly single. Whether you were the one to end the relationship or it was your former significant other who did is not important.

What is important is that you realize that someone’s inability to see your worth does not decrease your value. And with that, you are not worse off because whatever it was that you and that other person had did not work out.

You are not everyone’s cup of tea and neither were they. You two thought that your flavors melded well at one point but, ultimately you didn’t make one cohesive dish. Regardless of what anyone may be telling you, that is perfectly fine!

Tea Cup

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Using food-based metaphors and analogies or not, what I am getting at is as follows: it is a-okay that your relationship did not work out.

It happens to the best of them. And, it can come as a complete shock sometimes. You may even feel as if you’re the one looking stupid because you were convinced that the person you were seeing was your soulmate and you pictured a future with them only for that perfect fantasy to fall apart.

OkaytobeSad

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The fact that it is over is just more proof that what you had was not a love meant to last. Which then poses the question well, ‘Why the heck did they come into my life in the first place?’

I had thought that my ex-boyfriend had been sent to me by an angel because of the person that I was convinced he was. I have now come to believe that my angel up in heaven sent the guy my way in order to teach me how to let go. Ideological beliefs aside, some people do indeed come into our lives to teach us those harsher life lessons.

Closing off from the dating world forever might seem like the best course of action. Oh, and not to mention listening to nothing but all the tear-jerking breakup anthems you can find. However, wallowing in self-pity and self-loathing is by no means fun, productive, or good for your mood and self-esteem.

You do not have to dive right back into dating. No matter if your breakup was messy, amicable or neither, choosing when and how to date again should be your decision and your decision alone. Do not let friends pressure you into hanging out one on one with a friend of theirs because your friend is convinced that “you two would be a perfect match.”

Okay to Grieve

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It is completely normal to be hurting in one way or another post-breakup. You do not have to apologize or feel sorry in any way for natural emotions. If you are not ready to see anyone one on one again yet, don’t.

But, everyone is different. If your manner of dealing with being newly single is to continue on playing the field as if nothing ever changed, by all means, do so. Or, if you need to take a significant amount of time to be by yourself and focus on you and time with friends, go ahead.

There is no one perfect way to proceed after you have ended a relationship — it really comes down to what you know is best for you and you alone.

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