Write it Out: Dealing with Difficult Relatives

By Ellie Drabnis on November 23, 2016

With Thanksgiving and other family-filled holidays coming up comes the stress of dealing with relatives you can’t stand. Much as we all want to yell “Screw you!” or something a bit more powerful in their faces, we can’t. The reason we can’t is more because we’re not trying to cause a scene at our auntie’s/abuela’s/cousin’s/grandmother’s/or whomever else’s place, thus ruining a family gathering.

So, what can you do? You’ve got all these emotions that you need to let out and, almost no way to do that …

Well, why not write it out?

In other words, write a letter you’re never going to send. That might sound ridiculous and time consuming but holding feelings in does you no favors. It’s better to get the feelings out instead of causing a scene at a family gathering as much as that’s the real thing you’d like to do. Plus, you will legitimately feel better after having done so.

1. Pick your medium.

Choose between typing out a word document or writing down your feelings in pen/pencil and on some paper.

Fast typers might benefit from using a Microsoft Word Document if they’re on a Windows device or a Pages Publication if they’re on an Apple device. On the other hand, if typing isn’t your strong suit, pick up a notebook and a pen.

Only you, the person who needs to get their feelings out, knows which medium will work best for you personally. So, choose whatever feels right.

Choose whichever medium you’re most comfortable with.
(https://www.pexels.com)

2. Who is the would-be recipient of your letter?

Who is this relative you’re writing to? What are all the things you really want to say to their face but can’t? Write it down!

Choose who you’re writing this to and why. That shouldn’t be hard since you’re the one who knows the relative you don’t like being around and what reasons make you feel this way.

Now, why or how we feel about someone (yes, even relatives) comes down to our experiences of dealing with them personally. We can’t pick our family and, it is A-okay to not be 100 percent a fan of each and every single member of your family.

It is A-okay to not be 100 percent a fan of each and every single member of your family.
(https://pixabay.com)

3. Write the letter as you see fit.

Now, you don’t have to rush right into the letter you’re never going to send. If putting down your thoughts in bulleted points and then writing out your feelings is easier, take that approach. There is no right or wrong way to put your feelings down.

You do not have to answer to anyone why you don’t like this relative of yours; this letter is for you and only you. Also, much as you might try to explain to someone why you just don’t vibe with a certain person in your family, they may never understand where you’re coming from. That is annoying in itself but better to write out your feelings than to hold them in and only feel worse.

Feelings — good or bad — are valid. Do not let anyone tell you that they aren’t. Have a happy holiday season and go ahead, write down all the feelings you need to.

Write down your feelings as needed this holiday season. There is no right or wrong.
(Photo Credit: Ellie Drabnis)

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